The War On Christmas

I don't know how many of you were aware of it, but apparently liberals like me are waging something known as a War on Christmas. I was a bit shocked to hear this. Normally when the Left engages in strategic action, that action is carried out, at least in part, through the use of the Internets. Blogging, e-mail petitions, PayPal donations, these are the radically subversive tools of the New Left. Having not received an email from John Kerry or Howard Dean imploring me to crush the nativity, I didn't realise I was supposed to be doing so. But when both Jerry "the ACLU is trying to stamp out Christianity, though it once defended me" Falwell and Bill "sexual harassment is good for America" O'Reilly say it is so, then it must be so. The time has come for me to start lobbing grenades at Christmas carolers. The War on Christmas seems to be based on the idea that wishing someone "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" is just one more banana peel littering the slippery slope that is turning the United States from a Christian nation to a soulless secular humanist state. Soon we who are Christians in the United States will be executed on the spot for declaring allegiance to Jesus. After all, it's not like our President, Congress or half the Supreme Court claim to have faith. It's not like many of our schools want to teach Creationism in classrooms. We are nearing the end of our Christian nation. What it boils down to is that many Christians in this country want to have their cake and eat it, too. They want to be a persecuted minority, fighting the uphill battle to take Jesus to every tribe and nation. They want to be able to have Jesus' words about being persecuted for his sake be true for them. But those words are not true for them. For most of them they never will be. Most of them will never know what it's like to be sodomised with a light bulb simply because they are Christian. They will never be forced to stand naked for hours with black bags over their heads while soldiers beat them and take photographs. They will never be urinated on for Jesus. And most of them are glad for it. It's much easier, much more comfortable, to invent persecution where it doesn't exist, than, say, to face the threat of execution for being a Christian peacekeeper in a hostile foreign land. But it looks like we're not alone in the War on Christmas. It seems that even our President hates Christianity, which I find particularly interesting. Bush has incurred the wrath of some on the Right for using "Happy Holidays," not "Merry Christmas," on the White House's Christmas cards this year. "This clearly demonstrates that the Bush administration has suffered a loss of will and that they have capitulated to the worst elements in our culture," said William A. Donohue, president of the Catholic League for Religious and Civil Rights. "(Bush) claims to be a born-again, evangelical Christian. But he sure doesn't act like one," said Joseph Farah, editor of WorldNetDaily.com. "I threw out my White House card as soon as I got it." It's good to know that this is what Farah finds unchristian about our President. Not the blatant lies, not the unjust war, not tax cuts for the wealthy, not skyrocketing national debt, not smear campaigns against political opponents, not pushing to eliminate overtime pay for workers, not blatant disregard for international law, not presiding over the illegal and treasonous leaking of a covert CIA agent's identity, not sweeping cuts to veterans' benefits in a time of war, not rolling back environmental protections, not incessant fearmongering. Nope, it's those damn holiday cards. Good thing we have our priorities straight.