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04 June 2006

BiPolar Colbert Hug

Prophet Stephen Colbert is up to it again, this time speaking at a commencement ceremony at Knox College in Illinois.

Here's a sound bite:

And when you enter the workforce, you will find competition from those crossing our all-too-poorest borders. Now I know you’re all going to say, “Stephen, Stephen, immigrants built America.” Yes, and here’s the thing—it’s built now. I think it was finished in the 70s sometime. From this point it’s only a touch-up and repair job. Essentially if Congress enacts it, soon English will be the official language of America. Because if we surrender the national anthem, the next thing you know, they’ll be translating the Bible. God wrote it in English for a reason! So it could be taught in our public schools.

So we must build walls. A wall across the entire southern border. That’s the answer. Obviously that may not be enough, maybe a moat in front of it, or a fire-pit. Maybe a flaming moat, filled with fire-proof crocodiles. And another across our northern border as well. Keep those Canadians with their socialized medicine and their skunky beer out. And because immigrants can swim, we’ll probably want to wall off the coasts as well. And while we’re at it, we need to put up a dome, in case they have catapults. And we’ll punch some holes in it so we can breathe. Breathe free. Time for illegal immigrants to go—right after they finish building those walls.
You can read the entire speech here.

There's also some low quality footage from the speech up at YouTube.

Comments on "BiPolar Colbert Hug"


Blogger jasdye said ... (6/05/2006 05:44:00 PM) : 


i wonder how long that'll last at youtube before the fine folks at knox college take it down so they can show it, along with other commencement exercises such as 'dunk the chancellor' and 'hats off to graduates,' on a specially-priced dvd ($49 + s&h).


Blogger Wasp Jerky said ... (6/14/2006 09:51:00 AM) : 

I hadn't thought of that. Well, if the college sells the DVD, it's sure to leak in its entirety.


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